When was the first time you saw a penis? I don’t mean as an adult when you already knew what it was, but as a kid, for the first time ever. Was it your Dad’s? Your brother’s? Maybe it was your weird Uncle Harold who was always trying to get you to hide in the closet with him? I remember my first time like it was yesterday. . .
 

I was 4 years old on the playground of St. Stephen’s nursery school in Alabama. There was your usual playground equipment: swings, see saws, slides, monkey bars, etc. but the crème de la crème was the tree house. Because it was small we were only allowed to have 2 kids in it at one time and the teacher always timed us so all the kids would have a chance to play in it. When it was my turn to go up I thought I would be going up with another girl, any girl, but I was sent up with a boy. I was NOT happy about that but I was 4, what was I going to do really?

The boy and I both go up and he immediately tells me that he has something that I don’t have. Now, for those of you that don’t know me, I hate it when someone else has a secret and won’t share. I mean, if you weren’t planning on sharing it to begin with then why bring it up? To torture me? Again, he tells me that he has something that I don’t have. I asked him what it was and he dropped his pants and showed me. I remember thinking it looked like a little thumb. I went home upset because he was right! He DID have something that I didn’t have and I wanted it!

As an adult I have what some might call “penis envy.” I think they are the coolest things ever. I often joke with my boyfriend and say that if I had a penis of my own I would probably be jobless and homeless because all I would want to do is sit around and play with it all day – you know, try and make it do tricks. I mean, it’s bound to be able to something, right?

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have to have one all the time – I happen to like having girlie parts - just when I’m bored and want something to play with - you know, like silly putty or a slinky. I realize now that my penis envy stems back to when I was 4. I was shown a penis and told that not only did I not have one but, I never would. So now I just look at others and imagine what it would be like to have one of my own. But like silly putty or slinkies, I’m sure I would get bored with it after awhile.

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