Dear Guapo:

First off, let me congratulate you on your achievement as "Head Janitor" of my building (although you are the ONLY janitor for my building, this really must be an ego boost).

However, I have a few complaints to lodge.

I will be writing this in English, and not your native language of Assbackastan, so I hope you don't mind.

If you do, I still don't give a sh*t, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Regardless...

Scrub, Scrub, Guapo?

...as you share your single bathroom with your wife, uncle, three cousins and fourteen children.

Your early arrival allows me to enjoy BWB (Blue Water, Baby!) moments in the wee hours of the morning.

This is a good thing.

However, I HAVE noticed that although the toilet has this wonderful blue water, the actual inside of the toilet looks like it went off-roading in the rainforests after a monsoon.

Seriously, they give Head Janitors toilet scrubbers, don't they?

Think you could pick that f*cking thing up and give the toilet a rub for me?  With all those skid marks and dirt stripes, I feel like I'm pooing on a Zebra.

Or is that above your minimum-wage standards?

The only other thing I have a problem with is your complete inability to put the paper towels in the paper towel rack the right way.

If you haven't noticed, the paper towels have FLAPS. 

The flaps point TOWARDS THE OPENING of the towel dispenser.

There's a pattern here.

You do not appear to understand this, and put the towels in flap-side UP.

This forces me and every other wet-handed post-poo'er to REACH INTO the holder and grab NO LESS than 15 f*cking paper towels at the same time.

As we do this, our wet hand poo germs mingle with everyone else's poo germs who have come before us in an attempt to simply GET A FRIGGIN' TOWEL.

This explains how I got "hand syphillis" and "finger clap."

I think that's it.

Viva La Urinal Cake!

(that's Assbackastan for "Thanks in advance for your attention to this matter")

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