My son, much like his mother, loves television.

Most of all? He loves the shows about animals. Because when he grows up? He’s going to be an Amazing Crocodile Hunter/Pro-Wrestler/Really Awesome Dentist. Possibly? A dentist for animals. He’s not sure yet.

Recently, he and I were watching some program on Animal Planet which went off while we were talking about various ways to get revenge on people, most of which, for some reason, included ants and peanut butter. While we weren’t really paying attention, another show came on. The show? Was about the mating habits of bats.

Now, my son is not quite ten years old. And before you call CPS, he thinks that sex is kissing with tongues.

So my son is of course fascinated by this program in the way that I wish he would be fascinated by his fractions and verbs and whatever else they teach in the fourth grade. He watched in silence for some time and finally said to me.

“Mom! Did you know bats have lots and lots and lots and lots of wives?”

(If you aren’t familiar with the speaking patterns of almost ten year old children? Basically everything is said with numerous exclamation points and gratuitous use of the word “lots”)

I told him I did not know about that.

Is that you, Ronald? -- I am tonight.

“Bats are not people,” I reminded him. “They are not bound by state laws.”

“I’m just saying,” he insisted. “If they WERE people. They’d have to go on Jerry Springer.”

Right.

“Mom! Did you know that penguins mate for life? But I don’t really think that’s true. They just go around and all the penguins look alike and they’re all like, ‘Are you my wife? No. Are you my wife? No. Are you my wife? Well. Close enough!’”

“That’s pretty much what your biological father did!” I said.

No, I didn’t really say that. My parenting skills are questionable, but I’m not THAT bad.

Of course then we spent fifteen minutes talking about trapping angry bats in boxes and shaking the boxes really hard and then sending them to people we don't like.

So maybe I am that bad.

---

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Tam - Hee IP:88.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-03-07 05:41:54 The Shocking Truth About Penguin Monogamy! Heh. You two are bats. Reply 1   0

angie IP:24.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-03-07 09:29:42 You are amazing!! Reply 1   0

Kimberly IP:70.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-03-07 09:52:15 Oh. My. Bob. That was hilarious! Reply 1   0

Devon IP:98.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-03-08 20:16:17 hahaha... thanks for the laugh! Reply 1   0

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