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  Having recently vacationed in Florida (state motto: "If you're not old, get the f*ck OUT!"), I've realized something about restaurants.
In Florida, you're greeted - for the most part - by cheery, slim, attractive women. In my state of New Hampshire, you're greeted - for the most part - by cheery, fat, muffin-topped disasters in tight shirts. I'm not sure why this is.
I can only surmise that the interview for hostess at my local Chili's goes something like this: Manager: "So, why do you want to work at Chili's? The people? The atmosphere?" Tubby: "The employee discount on 'The Blooming Onion.'" Manager: "Do you look horrible in tight pants?"  Would you like a double-decker cheesecake with that? Manager: "Do you have back fat?" Tubby: "I have several rolls and am currently working on an eigth one. My shirts often come up higher than my beltline, and I am able to expose my arm flab by wearing short sleeves in any weather - even below freezing." Manager: "I think you have all of the qualifications we need. You're hired. Welcome to Chili's!" Tubby: "Thanks. Can I get a Blooming Onion to go?"
Listen. I've got nothing against overweight people. In fact, I actually have a slight fat-fetish, as long as I cannot successfully hide from the police inside a girl's fold. Actually... ...come to think of it, I may even change this opinion if she manages to smuggle a Blooming Onion in there. I love those things. This also explains my very own muffin-top. I should apply at Chili's. |
Moooooog35
